"The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

Love Language 1: Words of Affirmation

This language uses words to affirm the other person. "Thanks for taking out the garbage. You are the greatest." "You look nice in the outfit." "Your smile is contagious. Did you see the way everyone seemed to brighten up when you came into the room?" All of these are words of affirmation. Yours words may focus on the other person's personality or the way they look or something they have done for you or for others. To speak this language, you look for things you admire or appreciate about the person and you verbally express your admiration.

If a person's primary love language is words of affirmation, nothing will speak more deeply of your love than words of affirmation.

Love Language 2: Acts of Service

For these people, actions speak louder than words. If you speak words of affirmation to this person such as "I admire you, I love you", they will likely think and perhaps say, "If you love me, why don't you do something to help me around the house?"

If acts of service is their primary love language, then washing the car, mowing the grass, helping around the house, and changing the baby's diaper is precisely what makes them feel loved. The key to loving this person is to find out what things they would like for you to do. Then do them consistently.

Love Language 3: Receiving Gifts

For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift. The best gifts are those that you know will be appreciated. To give her a fishing rod when she doesn't enjoy fishing will probably not communicate your love very well. How do you find out what the other person would like to receive? You ask questions and you make observations. You observe the comments they make when they receive gifts from other family members. Listen carefully and you will discover the kind of gifts they appreciate most. Also listen to the comments they make when they are looking through a shopping catalog.

A rose, a candy bar, a card, a book - any of these can communicate love deeply to the person whose love language is receiving gifts.

Love Language 4: Quality Time

Quality time is giving the other person your undivided attention. It is not sitting in the same room watching television. It is being in the same room with the TV off, the magazine on the table, looking at each other, talking and listening. It may also be taking a walk together so long as your purpose is to be with each other, not simply to get exercise. Couples who go to a restaurant and never talk to each other have not spoken the language of quality time. They have simply met their physical need for food. Quality time says, "I'm doing this because I want to be with you." Whether you are planting a garden together or going on a camping trip, the ultimate purpose is to spend time with each other. For some people, nothing makes them feel more loved than quality time.

Love Language 5: Physical Touch

Research indicates that babies who are touched and cuddled fare better emotionally than babies who spend long periods of time without physical touch. Every culture has appropriate and inappropriate touches between members of the opposite of sex. Appropriate touch is loving. Inappropriate touch is demeaning. To the person whose primary love language is physical touch, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.

"Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married" by Gary Chapman

I Wish I Had Known...

1. That being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage

2. That romantic love has 2 stages

Stage 1 - Being in love. In this stage, the couple doesn't have to work on the relationship. Research indicates that the average life span of the "in love" obsession is 2 years.

Stage 2 - When we come down off the emotional high, our differences begin to emerge and we often find ourselves arguing with the person whom we once thought to be perfect. Couples need to learn how to express love effectively by understanding the primary Love Language of you and your partner.

3. That the saying "Like mother, like daughter" and "Like father, like son" is not a myth

We are far more like our parents than we realize. Couples are encouraged to have enough exposure to each other's parents to get to known their personalities, communication patterns, values and especially how they relate to each other. If you observe things that trouble you, then discuss thoroughly with your dating partner.

4. How to solve disagreements without arguing

5. That apologizing is a sign of strength

6. That forgiveness is not a feeling

7. That toilets are not self-cleaning

8. That we needed a plan for handling our money

9. That mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic

10. That I was marrying into a family

11. That spirituality is not to be equated with "going to church"

12. That personality profoundly influences behavior

Why Mars and Venus Collide?

"Why Mars and Venus Collide?" by John Gray

• Our greatest challenge today is that men and women cope with stress differently.
• Men tend to work best on projects rather than in routines.
• A man loses interest when he senses that he can't continue to meet a woman's expectations.
• Men’s need for space to be alone, and woman’s need for more time to be together are rooted in our biological makeup. l Men need to feel needed, and women need to feel they are not alone.
• Real love does not demand perfection but actually embraces imperfection.
• A woman’s greatest challenge is to begin caring for herself as much as she is caring for others.
• A man’s brain is single-focused, while a woman’s brain tends to multitask.
• Leaving a man alone and ignoring him is sometimes the best way to support him.
• While women tend to reach out to take in more information, under stress men tend to focus on determining the most important thing to do.
• Success or the anticipation of success in a relationship fuels the rise of a man’s testosterone and sustains his interest in her.
• Appreciating and accepting what he does, or forgiving him for what he neglects to do, is the most supportive way a woman can treat a man.
• Depressed men have low testosterone levels.
• Shifting from one problem to an easier problem to solve can help rebuild a man’s testosterone levels.
• When a man’s workday is over, a switch turns off in his brain, and he shifts to a passive, relaxed mode.
• Oxytocin, the feel-good hormone from Venus, is the love and bonding hormone.
• Oxytocin decreases when a woman feels alone, ignored, unsupported, or that she does not matter.
• Trust and the anticipation of getting needs met is a potent oxytocin producer.
• A woman thinks her to-do list is causing her stress, but her low oxytocin levels are to blame.
• Easy victories motivate a man to do more.
• When a man can do little things and get a big response, he gets the energy and the drive to do more.
• When a woman is not getting wha she needs, she feels an urge to give more.
• Whatever makes a man feel successful will grab his attention and give him energy.
• Men love to solve problems but when their efforts are misdirected and go unappreciated, they lose interest over time.
• A man looks for someone he can be successful in loving.
• Men can fulfill only a small portion of the support woman need for oxytocin production.
• When a woman is already almost full, a man is highly motivated to bring her to the top.
• When doing little things for her makes a difference, a man does more little things.
• On Venus, every gift of love scores equal to every other gift of love, no matter how big or small.
• Talking without solving any problems can create a profound change.
• Just as women recovering from stress have difficulty taking time for themselves, men under stress have difficulty being there for others.
• When he has one clear thing to do, without a lot of decisions to make that involve his partner, a man is energized.
• Men need to avoid correcting a woman’s feelings, and women need to avoid making disapproving comments about a man’s thoughts and actions.
• It makes it much easier to talk without blaming when we remember that we speak different languages.
• Knowing when to hold your tongue is more powerful than saying the right things.
• Learning to say we are sorry is one of the most important relationship skills.
• 90/10 solution à by taking 90 percent responsibility for their own happiness and only expecting 10% from men, woman can set up themselves and their partners for much greater success in the relationship
• A better way to nurture a man is to give him lots of space to do things the way he wants to do them. Rather than look for ways to change and improve him, look for things that he does right and appreciate him.
• To experience the excitement of coming together, you must spend time apart.

If Love Is a Game, These Are the Rules

"If Love Is a Game, These Are the Rules" by Dr. Cherrie Carter-Scott

The Ten Simple Rules:

1. You must love yourself first. It is a prerequisite to creating a successful and authentic union with another.
   
2. Partnering is a choice - the choice to be in a relationship is up to you. You have the ability to attract your beloved and cause the relationship you desire to happen.
   
3. Creating love is a process. Moving from I to we requires a shift in perspective and energy. Being an authentic couple is an evolution.
4. Relationships provide an opportunity to grow. They serve as an unofficial life stop in which you will learn about yourself and how you can grow on your personal path.
5. Communication is essential - it is the lifeblood of the relationship.
6. Negotiation will be required - there are times when you and your partner must work through impasses. If you do this consciously and with respect you will learn to create win-win outcomes.
   
7. Your relationship will be challenged by change. Life presents turns in the road. How you maneuver those twists and turns determines the success of your relationships.
   
8. You must nurture the relationship for it to thrive. If you give it your time, attention and effort, it will continue to grow with each passing day.
   
9. Renewal is the key to longevity. Happily every after means the ability to keep the relationship fresh and vital.
   
10. You will forget all this when you fall in love. We know these rules inherently. The challenge is to remember them when you fall in love.