Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Why Mars and Venus Collide?

"Why Mars and Venus Collide?" by John Gray

  • Our greatest challenge today is that men and women cope with stress differently.
  • Men tend to work best on projects rather than in routines.
  • A man loses interest when he senses that he can't continue to meet a woman's expectations.
  • Men’s need for space to be alone, and woman’s need for more time to be together are rooted in our biological makeup. l Men need to feel needed, and women need to feel they are not alone.
  • Real love does not demand perfection but actually embraces imperfection.
  • A woman’s greatest challenge is to begin caring for herself as much as she is caring for others.
  • A man’s brain is single-focused, while a woman’s brain tends to multitask.
  • Leaving a man alone and ignoring him is sometimes the best way to support him.
  • While women tend to reach out to take in more information, under stress men tend to focus on determining the most important thing to do.
  • Success or the anticipation of success in a relationship fuels the rise of a man’s testosterone and sustains his interest in her.
  • Appreciating and accepting what he does, or forgiving him for what he neglects to do, is the most supportive way a woman can treat a man.
  • Depressed men have low testosterone levels.
  • Shifting from one problem to an easier problem to solve can help rebuild a man’s testosterone levels.
  • When a man’s workday is over, a switch turns off in his brain, and he shifts to a passive, relaxed mode.
  • Oxytocin, the feel-good hormone from Venus, is the love and bonding hormone.
  • Oxytocin decreases when a woman feels alone, ignored, unsupported, or that she does not matter.
  • Trust and the anticipation of getting needs met is a potent oxytocin producer.
  • A woman thinks her to-do list is causing her stress, but her low oxytocin levels are to blame.
  • Easy victories motivate a man to do more.
  • When a man can do little things and get a big response, he gets the energy and the drive to do more.
  • When a woman is not getting wha she needs, she feels an urge to give more.
  • Whatever makes a man feel successful will grab his attention and give him energy.
  • Men love to solve problems but when their efforts are misdirected and go unappreciated, they lose interest over time.
  • A man looks for someone he can be successful in loving.
  • Men can fulfill only a small portion of the support woman need for oxytocin production.
  • When a woman is already almost full, a man is highly motivated to bring her to the top.
  • When doing little things for her makes a difference, a man does more little things.
  • On Venus, every gift of love scores equal to every other gift of love, no matter how big or small.
  • Talking without solving any problems can create a profound change.
  • Just as women recovering from stress have difficulty taking time for themselves, men under stress have difficulty being there for others.
  • When he has one clear thing to do, without a lot of decisions to make that involve his partner, a man is energized.
  • Men need to avoid correcting a woman’s feelings, and women need to avoid making disapproving comments about a man’s thoughts and actions.
  • It makes it much easier to talk without blaming when we remember that we speak different languages.
  • Knowing when to hold your tongue is more powerful than saying the right things.
  • Learning to say we are sorry is one of the most important relationship skills.
  • 90/10 solution à by taking 90 percent responsibility for their own happiness and only expecting 10% from men, woman can set up themselves and their partners for much greater success in the relationship
  • A better way to nurture a man is to give him lots of space to do things the way he wants to do them. Rather than look for ways to change and improve him, look for things that he does right and appreciate him.
  • To experience the excitement of coming together, you must spend time apart.

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